Thanksgiving is many things — a time to eat coma inducing foods, watch too much TV, and brave the mall (or your keyboard) for those fantastic Black Friday deals, but it’s also the kick off to the “Holiday Season”. Which entails family. Lots and lots of family. And I don’t care how much you love them (and I love mine to pieces), family + holidays = stress. Part of the problem is that between the shopping, the parties, the cooking and, often, the travel, we’re all stretched too thin this time of year. And when your reserves of patience are low, it’s way too easy to snap your mother’s head off when she asks: “Is that what you’re wearing?” as you’re putting on your coat to head out the door.
So, in an effort to keep the focus this Holiday Season where it should be — celebrating and laughing with the people you love most, here are a few tricks that I use to stay calm. And I can promise you that they work because when God was handing out patience, he skipped over me.
Front Load the System
You can not turn the wind. So, turn your sail.
This Swahili proverb seemed especially appropriate for this time of year because here’s the deal: most of us play a role within our family that is deep rooted. Add to that the fact that your mother in law is probably of a certain age and the likelihood of your changing anyone’s behavior this thanksgiving is pretty slim. It can happen with diligence and hard work, but it takes time. So, what to do in the short term? I like to practice what I call “Front Loading the System”. If you know that your father is going to scream bloody murder at the TV as he watches his beloved Bears lose and that this will set your teeth on edge then put the TV in a room where you can close the door. Or if your sister is prone to disparaging comments about your appearance then have a conversation with her before she shows up letting her know that while you love and appreciate her fashion sense, unless she is giving you a compliment or you ask for her opinion, she needs to zip it. Now, chances are, she’ll still have something to say about the length of your skirt, but you simply remind her of your conversation. It takes away the sting while allowing you to stick to your boundaries.
Carve Time Out for Yourself
One of the hardest things about the holidays, especially for women, is that we often get caught up in doing things for others and we forget to take care of ourselves. This is particularly easy to do when you have family and friends visiting from out of town. Maybe you don’t get to see them very often and/or they’ve spent a lot of money on plane tickets and you feel guilty if you’re not all doing something together. But I want you to remember that it’s better to spend quality time than quantity time. Furthermore, if you take care of yourself, everyone will have a better visit. Especially you. Personally, I take time every day during the holidays for some form of exercise, even if it’s just a brisk walk. Not only does it force me to breathe deeply which is calming, but it naturally boosts your serotonin level which makes you happier while also whittling your waist. All around, a win win. But if exercise is not your thing then set aside an hour to read, talk to a girlfriend, get a massage, take a bath, paint your toes…. basically, anything that either calms your mind or makes you smile.
Take a Break from Your Screens
Ok, let’s be honest: the phone and the tablet have changed our lives. They allow us to stay connected all the time. Which is fantastic. But which also comes at a price. According to the latest statistics, most Americans check their phone about 150 times a day, seven days a week. Often while looking at another screen (think laptop, TV or tablet). We may be “in the room”, but we’re not actually present because we’re never powering off. And since our brains and bodies don’t work efficiently without rest, this is causing a myriad of health problems from insomnia to weight gain to cognitive issues to depression. All of which produces stress. So, this holiday season, why not practice taking a break from your screens? If the idea of this sends you into a mild panic then start small. Just try turning your phone off during dinner. Not having your attention divided will make you feel calmer so that when you’re Great Aunt Mary launches into that story… you know, the one that still makes you cringe with shame 30 years later, you can just smile and laugh at yourself. Because one of the true joys of family, either the ones we’re born into or the one’s we choose, is that they know all your worst stories and love you anyway.
Happy Thanksgiving.
